So - 2 hours ago I found out some pretty devastating news. We, once again, have lost a little baby. Strangely, I am not as much devastated as really pissed off. Although I have done my share of crying these past 2 hours. Don't think I am not sad - but I think at this point I am more angry. Angry that I have to keep going through the 1st and worst trimester. Why can't I lose them before the sick part happens??? And another totally superficial thing to be concerned with - what are we going to do with $1600 in our cafeteria plan?!?!?! I have been joking about getting a boob job. Maybe I will look into the cost of that!
I get these LDSNuggets in my email box every couple of days. Today's when I got back from the doctor's office read:
"And now, I hope it is clearer why part of that hope in Christ is hope in the future, a future that includes resurrection and salvation and exaltation. He is my hope on rainy Monday mornings, my hope on dark nights, and my hope in the face of death and despair."
He (Jesus Christ) really is my hope on this sunny but sucky Tuesday morning. On this very dark day in the face of the death of my 3rd baby. Why this keeps happening? I don't really know. But I do know that before this life I knew that this is what I would face. And I decided to come here anyway because Heavenly Father would help me face it.
I will probably take a little break from posting. But hopefully I will be put back together by Monday with more pictures and fun stories about my 2 beautiful, wonderful, healthy, amazing children. (and that hunk of a guy I get to call my eternal companion!)
6 comments:
Monica I am so sorry. This must be so hard for you and Scott. I know a little of what you are feeling and the one thing that always got me through it was the knowledge that at one point I was strong enough to say yes I would go through that. It does help.
You guys will be in my prayers and please call if you need anything.
DAMMIT!
Okay, here's some Catholic wisdom to cheer you up.
"That is a painful wound. But it is well on its way to being healed. Stick to your resolutions. And the pain will soon turn into Joyful peace.
"You say you've failed! We never fail. You placed your confidence wholly in God. Nor did you neglect any human means.
Convince yourself of this truth: your success — this time, in this — was to fail. — Give thanks to our Lord... and try again!"
And one more for the road...
"You are suffering, and you want to bear it in silence. It does not matter if you complain, — it is the natural reaction of our poor flesh, — as long as your will, now and always, wants for yourself only what God wants.'
P.S. boob jobs are a LOT more than $1,600.
Not that I've ever looked into it...
Monica,
We mourn with you.... so sorry this has happened again. We are praying for you and Scott. Love always, your family.
I have looked into it, and yes, it costs about double or more than 1600. You'll have to figure something else out for that money. Perhaps a 100 years supply of bandaids. :-)
I was very sad to hear another one left you. May the Lord be with you guys at this time.
You know I love you and am so sorry this happened again. One day you can ask the big guy "What was up with that, I mean really 3 times come on!!!" Let me know what he says.
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